Candidate Journals

Yes testing was long and hard, but I also had fun. Somehow I had forgotten that this is so much fun. I loved it as we each dealt with our performance anxiety. Amazingly, about 2:30 AM, we had all settled down and for me that was when the fun began. It is such a privilege to practice and train with athletes at the top of their game. I've gotten some rest (after my cat fussed at me for a solid ten minutes about dragging in at 4:30 in the morning. That cat thinks he is my father. I think he grounded me). Now it is time to finish strong at the public test. We need a t-shirt that says we tested during a hurricane, you can't scare us!

It has been a joy taking this black belt journey with you all. There was that moment in yesterday's black belt class when we were all in sync. We moved as one. It was a moment of presence, focus, perfection and togetherness. Of course, while noticing how great we were, I lost my concentration and messed up....but just before that moment we were perfect. ;-) I can truly say, I've done my best and given this my all. It may not be perfect or pretty....but that is not the point. I tried hard, I participated, I got over myself and never gave up.  This has been an awesome life experience and I'm better for it.

My assistant was in a car accident and missed work today. Once again I was a one woman show...drawing blood, cleaning rooms, washing and autoclave get instruments...not to mention the actual physician stuff I regularly do. The day went well, I'm just tired. Nala has a slight limp...an old problem since she was a puppy. She is supposed to be taking it easy for two weeks, but every morning she begs to go with me on my run. She also gets her cardio in by running up and down the stairs like a crazy dog at 6:30 AM in the morning.  She is driving me and the cat crazy. Can't wait til she can go back to puppy day care and romp around with other dogs.  Helped with the adult class today. I like that class. When the cycle is over, I will start going to that class regularly since I...

Studying for the test. Did a lot of requirements today between work calls. There is some new drama every day. I have to deal with today's drama so I can be ready for tomorrow's fresh disaster. Class seemed to go fast today. Still need to log my requirements. It's harder now that I ran out of pages in my book. 

I've run over 100 miles. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would be running 100 miles in 3 months, I would have told you you were crazy. It is amazing what you can do when you do a little every day. Of course it helps to be too stubborn or stupid to quit. Maybe I'm an old fool, but at least I'm an old fool who has run 100 miles ;-)  Not a good day on call when I've been to the hospital 3 times before the sun sets. Trying to hydrate all week long before Saturday's test. Interviewing job candidates on Thursday. Why am I always looking for staff??? 

Got a lot done this weekend. Caught up on work stuff. Did some requirements and wrote some essays.  Master Knight always make class fun and we go through a lot in one class. Went to the grocery store. The cashier asked if I wanted the senior citizen discount. "Maybe," I said, "How old you have to be to receive the discount?" "60" she said. "Please tell me you do not think I am 60 years old, " I cried. I was feeling pretty good until then.

Trying to catch up with work stuff. My assistant has been out since the beginning of the month and I have a different person almost every day. I have to make sure they are doing their work correctly and I do my work at night. It's been a rough few weeks between being sick, cycle stuff and work. Missed class tonight because my garage door was broken and the repair guy was here until 8:30 fixing it. Nala barked for the whole 2 hours while he worked. Stick a knife in me, I'm done.  Yes, I'm registering with Kukkiwon. After going through all this, I want to be registered with Kukkiwon.

We are coming around the final stretch, fellow cyclist! I'm trying to finish strong. Little sore from all the falls and rolls yesterday. Great class with Master Knight. We went through a lot. Completed the written test, now I have to memorize it. Hope they can read my writing. Went to the Festival of India yesterday. I still feel stuffed from all the food. Did not get a lot done this weekend, but I did what I could. That's all any of us can do.....

Bo Cho Special Self defense is wicked. It is a little scary to do some of those moves..even worse if you are attacking. Although, I must admit, I really like self defense. Work is kicking pretty hard, but it always does. The humidity has broken, so running in the morning is nice. Glad I'm able to get back at it.

Feel better....or at least I can breathe when I lie down. Spent most of yesterday at the office cleaning up the chaos from last week so I can deal with this week's chaos. Able to walk in the mornings. It is amazing how quickly you lose conditioning...or maybe I'm just still wheezing.. So glad they moved the physical test to Oct. there is no way I could do it this week.

Wheezing makes you appreciate how effortless breathing used to be. Most of the time we forget about it. I was up most of last night coughing. I could not breath well lying down. Started steroids (which is another reason I was up all night). I was able to do my presentation today. I dosed myself with a lot of medication so I could talk. I crashed once I got home.Spent the rest of the day being still and calmly breathing. I'll see how tonight goes. Bummed that I missed the PMA class.

Busy day. Did not run because in sick. I miss my morning run. I have more energy. I'm hyped up on cold medication. Max, my cat, was grumpy today because I kept him up all night with my coughing. Hope I'm better by Saturday so I can speak at the event and go to PMA

I've got some type of crude. Can't tell if it is allergies or a viral upper respiratory tract infection. I suspect the latter. Not wheezing, yet. Did not run today, too sick and I really don't want to trigger an asthma attack. Bummed. Hope it clear before this weekend o I can go to the PMA workshop. Regardless, I'm a strong believer in not spreading my germs, so I won't come if I'm still sick. Don't want to get further behind on requirements, but I cannot afford to make myself more sick. I've pulled out every remedy I know. Regardless, I will be lucky if it only last a week. These are times when I think the virus is the superior life form.  I'll keep doing the best I can....Keep cycling

I think I better keep my day job. Took a painting class today. Although I loved the process, I get frustrated when I can't make it look the way I want. I had to keep standing back to get a view of the larger picture instead of getting hung up on the details. I'm coming down with something...not sure if it is a cold or allergies. It really doesn't matter, so long as I don't start wheezing.

Caught up on my tracking. Pleased with how I'm doing, but frustrated because I'm lagging behind. The limiting factor is time. I think it takes me longer to do my requirements than most people...and of course work interferes. Allergies are acting up...fall is one of my allergy/asthma seasons. All I can do is my best. I think it will be good enough. Got alot done today. Did some work at the office to catch up. Weekends should always be three days!

Just realized we are more than half way through, fellow cyclist. Woo Hoo!  Still sore from our rolls and falls class yesterday which means I need to practice more. My neck hurts from tucking my chin during back falls. I'm speaking at a church program about reproduction and sickle cell anemia on Saturday. May not make the the PMA workshop. We shall see. If I can get out in time, I may  be able to make the second workshop. 

Excellent class today. Got in a lot of requirements. So grateful for the workshop on rolls and falls. Instructor Marcus was awesome! Learned a lot. Granted I was dizzy most of the afternoon, but that's just me. Psyched that one of my batiks will be in the India Festival art show. 

It is amazing to me that I have not lost one pound with all this exercising. Granted losing weight was not the point, being healthy was the goal. But it would be nice to slim down....or at least I used to think. My closet system fell down and I am having to build another system. Yesterday I was lifting something and happen to glance in the mirror. I looked buff!!! I may not have lost weight, but I've got muscle. There is a definition to my calves, thighs, biceps and shoulders that was not there before. I'm solid. Also, I've been carrying shelves and panels up and down the stairs without getting short of breath. That is awesome, considering 6 years ago, I was on 5 inhalers and steroids for asthma. I'll take being healthy any day over being sick. I don't care about the weight, I'm thrilled to be so...

Today I did my empathy training assignment. I've decided not to use my left arm and hand. It was going pretty well. Then came the saga of the one handed woman and the spider. While doing sit ups, I noticed a huge spider on the ceiling. Now, I am not afraid of spiders and am not opposed to them living inconspicuous lives n the remote corners of my home, but the ceiling is another matter. It would freak me out if the spider falls in my hair. With my thick natural, there would be no way to get it out and I did not relish the thought of shaving my head to get a spider out of my hair. I did not want to kill it, just relocate it outdoors.   I got a broom with the idea of knocking it to the floor, then scooping it up and tossing it outside....

Worked on turning kicks today as well as sparring combinations. Still get a little shaky 13/14 and on. I seem to get discombobulated once the turning begins. Part is technique, but part is just me. I get turned around driving around a round about intersection. I get dizzy at action movies if I sit too close to the screen.  Regardless, I keep plugging away at it.  Love my Tuscan blue Rosemary shrub I got for the cycle. It smells wonderful. After the cycle, I'll trim a few sprigs for baked Rosemary Chicken

I was looking back on my journal entries and realized that I started the Black Belt Cycle journey about one year ago. I audited the first cycle and dropped the second cycle. Third time's a charm. This is it! I will complete this cycle. Got some requirements done this morning and spent the rest of the day doing some home repairs. 

Beautiful fulll moon this morning. Unfortunately, on my run, I noticed that someone had broken into my neighbor's car by breaking out the window.  They were surprised to see me all sweaty at their door at 5:30 AM telling them about their car. Another jogger said he saw another car with the window broken in the next neighborhood.  I'll have to do my empathy training another weekend. Can't drive to Winston for church with one arm tied down. It will have to be another weekend. Busy day in the OR today. Missed black belt class. It is ok because I am too sore and tired from work to perform well tonight.  

Although there is full moon in the evening and early night,  it is gone around 5:30AM when I am running. I was looking forward to running during the  full moon. Keeping up with requirements as best I can.

Good class tonight. Knees hurt, but something always hurts. Got my hero essay done this past weekend. Hope to get my empathy essay done next Sunday.. Work is busy over the next two weeks. I'm going to love running in the morning with this beautiful full moon. 

Went for a run with Nala, my beagle, in the morning. We chased some rabbits.  Knocked out some requirements. Interviewed my second living hero. Black Belt class was excellent. Master Evins broke down some of the turning kicks, which I really needed. Practiced the kicks in the pool afterward. It hurt less that way. Now I have to learn not to get dizzy so I can practice more of them on my own. Need to work on my falls and rolls so people are not so afraid of me getting hurt with self defense. Again the dizziness  is a problem when I practice rolls. No one can afford to get injured, so prevention and proper technique help. Unfortunately, my only near injury so far was when I tripped on my pants going up the stairs in my own house. Who trips going up the stairs??? I landed on my right knee. It hurt...

Great black belt class yesterday going over the fine points of the poomsaes. Reviewed a lot on my own today to nail down those improvements and changes.    Went over palgwe IIl and Yi. Productive couple of days

We celebrated my uncle's 90th birthday party yesterday in Durham. He looks much younger than 90 and still works at his car shop as a master mechanic. I was surprised he was 90. He looks and acts about the same as he did when I was growing up. It was an inspiration to hear all the stories friends and family told about him. He was in the army during world war II. He and other church members fought for fair, safe access to childcare facilities in Durham. He is what I call an everyday hero. I had no idea all he had done. He has had a productive 90 years. As healthy and active as he is, I suspect we will be celebrating his 100th birthday in 10 years. 

On my run this AM, saw this huge crane flying over head. I didn't even know we had cranes. Worked on my black belt test today. Hopefully, I'll get my hero essay completed today. Also, I need to work on not getting dizzy on all the spinning kicks. I'm not great at them as it is, but about 2 spins and I'm down for the count from dizziness. 

A day of Tae Kwon Do! Woo Hoo!! I'm sore, tired, but feel good spending most of the day training. Sparring class was educational and tough as always. Black belt class was good. I do all my self defenses in order when I practice at home. It is hard when you do them randomly. So much more to do. I interviewed my hero this AM. Fascinating!!

Running in the morning is always interesting. Last week there was this beautiful full moon. This morning a huge owl swooped down toward me and Nala ( my beagle) and vered up at the last minute. It was beautiful and a little scary. I told Nala it was going have her for a snack, but decided at the last moment she was too big. Lol! Missed 3 days of running and requirements due to work and being sick. Getting back in the groove today. Surprisingly, I feel better when I start my day with a run. Never thought that would happen.

Our DoJang is AWESOME!!! I want to adopt a Tae Kwon Do mom to have my back. The parents, and grandparents were on point with changes of clothes, snacks, drinks and hugs. Everyone had a fan club called family. The kids really do take their cue from their family.  (Shout out to Mrs. Evins for being my coach/mom during the sparring match) Once again I was impressed by the effort that went into the competition. The event was well organized and geared toward a safe competition. The judges and referees were attentive and alert. Win or lose, I think the respect for the competitors shone through.  Instructor Hero kept us on point and focused. With all of the excitement, he made us stretch and warm up just like sparring class. I really helped to calm me down. His breathing exercises make an old zen meditation practitioner proud. Timing is everthing, at...

We had a great time at the self defense class on Saturday. Hope there will eventually be a self defense course for people who want to learn more. They are excited about the donations at the shelter. People were very generous. Can't wait for Kukkiwon this weekend even though I don't feel prepared. 

Excited about the self defense class tomorrow. I think we will have a lot of donations for the battered women's shelter. Women who can't come to the class, have donated items. These thing are so helpful for shelter. Many women have to leave their homes with just the clothes on their back. Basic supplies are so important.  My niece is here to take the course. She is 13, so she is old enough to take the class. Love spending time with her. She is growing up and has less time for "old Aunt Rochelle." Still running every morning. Keeping up with requirements the best I can. Jury duty Monday and Tuesday put a little kink in my plans and really disrupted the office, but I hung in there. I'm not used to sitting for hours on end. 

Feeling good with keeping up with requirements. Liking these early morning runs, particularly since I figured out walking up the hill and running down the hill. Can't believe Kukkiwon is in 2 weeks! Time flies. Jury duty tomorrow. Hope I don't get picked. Rescheduling patients would not be fun, not to mention expensive. 

Master Dege had a great tip Saturday in Black Belt Class. I always practice self defense at home by myself, but it is different with a person in front of you. She suggested practicing with the vacuum cleaner. Such a great idea. My vacuum cleaner is now my self defense partner at home. 

Ran this morning at 5:30AM, then knocked out some requirements before sparring and black belt class. One of my favorite things to do after 3 hours of class is to go to the neighborhood pool and float in the water. The cold water is like icing my whole body. It helped relieve cramps and was very peaceful.

Really wanted to go to Instructor's camp this year. And I was going to try, even if it meant getting there at 9 or 10 PM on Friday. I decided not to because I'm so tired in the evenings. There was no way I could safely make the drive after a busy day, in the dark.  So glad I did not commit to go. Saw 20 patients in the office while orienting a new employee. One of my patients at the hospital needs to go back to the OR later this AM. If I had signed up for the camp, I would have had to cancel anyway.  I'm getting away from the perspective that I must do everything now. There will be instructor's camps years in to the future and I will get to go to many in the future.  Despite my internal drive to do everything perfectly, I'm only human....

Helped with adult class this evening. It was fun. Back is still sore from yesterday's jump kicks. Surgery yesterday. Surgery tomorrow. Orienting a new employee tomorrow. Anxious to see how she will fit in. Working short staffed is not going to work for too long. Choosing a group health plan. Can't remain competitive for good employees without benefits. Plus insurance is expensive even for the crappy plans. Tired all the time. Classes are a good break from the stress.

Busy day. The construction in front of the hospital is unpredictable. On any given day I don't know ho long it will take me to get to the hospital. Good class tonight. Back pain when I land those jump kicks.. Between  adult class yesterday, black belt class tonight and surgery earlier today, I'll be sore tomorrow. Max, my cat, fussed at me when I came home late. He does not get that I'm working. He seemed offended, like he was my dad and I broke curfew. Night fellow cyclistts. 

Still having problems tracking requirements on the black belt site. Since no one else is having these problems, I assume it is my technology that is the problem. Will keep track on paper until I can figure out the problem.  Family in town for CIAA, missed class this weekend, but had fun with my niece. Every year, I get sick around CIAA. Don't know whether it was form the crowds at the games, or the spring allergies. Even though I did not go to the games this year, feel my body trying to fight off something. Trying to support my body. An asthma exacerbation is no joke. I truly don't have time to be sick for 3 months. And I really detest steroids even if they do work.

Awesome classes this week. Love self defense. Thanks to Mr. Foster for letting me throw him for high red belt #1. Good session with Master Randle earlier this week. Special Self defense is kinda scary. It really takes people down. Having trouble logging my requirements. Thought it was my iPad, but it could not log them on my computer either. I could have jumped for joy when Master Cavaso said I was improving! Good day. CIAA week. Will miss weekend classes

On call tonight. I had planned to go to Black Belt class, but it was 8 PM by the time I got off the phone with a patient. Work has been kicking hard over the past week. I've developed eye strain from so much computer work. Even still I was behind on somethings by the end of the week. Spent the no-snow snow day catching up. There are times when I can work 24 hours and still be behind. Sometimes I dream about work while I'm sleeping. By the end of last week, I was so tired I could not read. I could see the words, but they just did not make sense. My brain had shut down. Interviewing and checking references for a new staff member. No matter how diligent you are, you never know how someone will work out. Falling behind on requirements. The will is there, but the...

Long day, but a good day. Started with surgery at 7AM. Reviewed the study guide between cases. Office in the afternoon. Self defense testing in class tonight. The physical test was hard (everything hurts my back these days). But I actually enjoyed it. I can feel fasciculations in my abdominal muscles.  I just got say, I love self defense stuff. Particularly when you take them down. Thanks to Master Tucker for letting me take her down. Thanks to Mr Foster for practicing with me yesterday. So proud of Mrs. Nileema. She ki hap'ed and took her partner down. Woo Hoo!  I've got a long way to go...but I'm having fun.  The pathologist called me again today. He says I have interesting cases. Interesting to a pathologist is never good for the patient. 

So grateful to Mr. Foster for helping me get in a lot of requirements tonight. We went through all the self defenses, poomsaes, and sparring combinations. We even jumped rope and practiced roll. I had a lot of fun. The adult class was very helpful, but I was a little sore from my workout with Mr. Foster. I tend to be a loner. But it is very apparent that I will not make it alone. This is a community effort. We all help each other. There is an African Proverb: "If you want to go fast, go alone. It you want to go far, go together" Thanks, Mr. Foster!

Got a lot of requirements done. I put in my numbers, but then I did more this evening. The tracking system would not let me add my additional numbers. I'll email Master Chelly about it. But in addition to what is already recorded, I did 25 more sit ups, 25 more push ups, 8 more modified pull ups, 10 self defense, 5 minutes of jump rope, and 10 poomsaes. Also got my taxes done and did some work stuff. Productive day. SInce I had no major plans (a rare thing for me) I broke the day up into 2 hour work sessions....2 hours of paper and computer work, then 2 hours of requirements. 

Started out with a regular check up with a new PCP. When she suggested that I should exercise more, I informed her that I practice Tae Kwon DO and I had done 25 sit ups, 25 push ups and 150 kicks prior to the 9 AM appointment and that I planned to run a mile after my class today. You should have seen her jaw drop. Don't assume that just because I'm overweight, I'm not exercising. Then I told her my peak weight in 2012. I think she will work out just fine, now that I have reoriented her away from the computer and the routine assumptions. Although I planned to go to sparring class, I missed it because of my appointment. Black belt class was awesome. I liked being outside. Mrs. Neelima and I had fun learning the staff form. She is very non violent and I had her laughing...

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” Yoda The Empire Strikes Back   Ready to stop trying and just get it done. Pleased with myself tonight. Got in a lot of requirements (for me) and  practiced Koryo, stick and staff forms. Forgot both sticks and staff at the Do jang yesterday, so practiced with my hiking stick and my umbrella. Hey, whatever it takes.     That above quote is one of my favorites from the Star Wars films. I’ve often caught myself using “try” as another way of saying “I can’t or I won’t” I’ve been “trying” the pull ups. But now I’m doing them (or at least I can do a modified pull up).  And I’m getting better. I can at least do a micro pull up and lift my weight off the floor for a few seconds. Woo hoo!    Another favorite quote is from the same...

It is actually quite funny. I have no problems with performance anxiety with anything else in life, but put me on the mat and watch me perform a poomsae, I've done regularly at home....and I know I know them.....and I goof it up. Great class tonight. Really like the explanations of the Korean terms for the different stances. I seem to remember better with definitions and hearing and performing the stances. Great mentoring session with Master Randle. Worked on staff forms. Videoed myself so I can remember at home.  Work is busy. I'll cry if the pathologist calls me one more time. At least it helps me keep it all in perspective. 

Long day. Been going since I woke up this AM. I know it is going to be a busy week. What  a relief to work out a little.  Long day. Working with this pull up bar. I can hold my weight off the floor for a few seconds. That's progress from yesterday. I may be able to work myself up  to half a pull up. Working on the first part of   Working with this pull up bar. I can hold my weight off the floor for a few seconds. That's progress from yesterday. I may be able to work myself up  to half a pull up. Working on the first part of  Koryo. Kinda got the stick form. Can't remember e staff form....should have video taped the form.  Too tired to study the study guides....they would just get more jumbled than they already are in my head. u

Nala and I had a nice run/walk in the greenway. We took it easy, my low back has been hurting and I decided not to push it. Finally got a pull up bar. As predicted, I could not hold myself up. I could do some modified pull ups with the chair holding most of my weight. I'll really have to watch my back and shoulder with this thing.  Did not get as much done as I planned. So it goes. At least I've got some food cooked and the cat and dog are happy.  I have to remember to ask if the sparring combinations, stick and staff forms are online somewhere. I can't find them.

I was feeling a little beat down yesterday, but today was a much better. Thanks to Master Randle for talking me off the edge. Thanks to Master Knight for his never ending patience. And of course, I can not forget my Tae Kwon Do buddy, Instructor Foster, who is always my cheerleader. We started out in the Tuesday/Thursday morning adult class together. He is so talented and such a great family man. Y'all are great.  Masters Hartle led a great class today. Learned a lot. I appreciated that it was well organized and moved fast. I can better study on my own and with my mentor, now that we have had an introduction to forms and sticks in class. This cycle will be challenging because of schedule changes, the new location, and snow days. Subtle changes in the forms does not help either.  Just finished my conference (it lasted 1 to...

Generally, people go along taking their lives for granted. Then they get that call from their doctor and their lives are forever changed. They no longer have the luxury of taking life for granted. All of a sudden, life is very precious and every moment counts. What is most important becomes instantly clear. I have had to make that call too many times this past week. I have more to make next week. So far 2016 has been unhappily busy. Feeling weary and tired down to the bone. Hard, physically demanding surgeries this week. Difficult conversations. MRI to evaluate this persistent upper back pain/chest pain. Not enough time for everything I have to do, not to mention everything I want to do. All I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

We opened an hour late today. One of my staff could not make it in because of childcare issues. Needless to say it was a tad crazy. We were booked friday, so trying to reschedule that many people is difficult when the week was pretty full already. Doing that while being short staffed is next to impossible. But my staff rolls with the punches and patients take their clue from the staff. If we act like it is crazy, the patients feel that tension. Luckily my staff acted like it was business as usual. We were all late getting out of the office, but they seem to take it in stride. I began to work out as soon as I got home. I hit an all new high with my sit ups and push ups today at 125 each. I'm quite proud even though I'm still not at my daily requirement...

How am I going to do all the daily physical requirements and get my work done? Even on these snow days, I'm spending hours doing requirements and I still have not done all my daily requirements. I think I'm just slow. Now I'm in the red in several areas. I'm going to have to do Burpees at the Do Jang, because they are too painful on hardwood floors. I still need a pull up bar. My brain is a sieve. Each night, I study the study guides and the next night it is like I've never seen the material before. Where are all those brain cells that got me through school?? I need to calm down and not panic. If others have done this, I can do It too. Stop whining! Good grief, get a grip, girl! I've gotten 2 essays written and a plan for 3 more. My heroine is...

Perfect timing for a snow day. Got a lot of requirements done. Have so much more to go. Ran 1.4 miles in the house, to my pets' dismay. I may not run fast, but I can slowly cover some distance. I'd rather run than jump rope for 3 minutes. In fact I can jump for three minute better than I can jump rope. What happened? I would jump rope (even double dutch) when I was a child. Now I don't have the rhythm. So grateful that we can do the physical requirements on our own. I can pick a day that is not too cold for my run.  Hope we don't have too many snow days. If I don't work, I don't generate income. But the bills keep coming. My RN plans to go back to school, so I'm looking for a clinical person....plus it is a lot of work and time...

Despite my best laid plans, I feel like I'm losing ground. My niece spent MLK weekend with me and we had a good time. But I did not get any requirements done. I did not see patients in the office Tuesday, but I did a lot of administrative stuff. Classes were good. I can do my turning kicks, but I'm not as fast as the guy behind me and I feel like I need to get out of the way before I get kicked. Also, after a few fast turning kicks, I get dizzy. Saturday will be interesting.  Planned to help with testing tonight, but could not get back on this side of town in time....it is not even raining, but there were a ton of accidents. CMS closed schools for tomorrow and the governor has declared a state of emergency....so I suspect it will be bad. I cancelled my office....

Finished week as a white belt. I liked teaching. It is amazing to work with these little kids. If you can get their attention and keep it, their minds are like sponges. It is fun to let them show you what they know. Small black belt class yesterday. I was grateful. I wasn't on the edge of the mat and we did not have to pause to back up in the middle of the poomsaes. Master Cavazos is a stickler, but I need that right now. I think I know my poomsaes, now I have to work on performance anxiety causing me to lose focus. At this point it is not a matter of knowing the poomsae, it is not getting distracted while performing them. I think I will approach it like a form of meditation.  Helped with the testing preparation class tonight. Teaching is hard work.  I'll have my niece...

Enjoyed being a white belt in the adult class tonight. Found a mentee. I think I will try to assist with the Wed adult class. I like teaching. Found my self giving the same pointers I've been given. Daddy always said, "You don't really know something until you can teach it" Working on perfecting my poomsaes. Ive got to study my my study guides. I won't get much done this weekend because I have my niece for the holiday weekend. 

I kind of like being a white belt. I needed a break down of the turning kicks and today as a white belt helped tremendously. I still struggle over left and right like the kids. In fact, I need to be taught like the little kids, because I am a child to Taekwondo.  Appreciated the mentoring session with Instructor Dege. Working on nailing down these turning kicks. My back and knees are complaining a lot today. Well, off to catch the rest of President Obama's State of the Union Address, then to bed. So proud of our country 

Woo hoo, I got to 100 sit up and 100 push ups in one day. There is no going back. On Mondays, I don't get home until 6:30 pm. Too dark to run outside, so I ran in the house. Whatever it takes....I want that black belt! This is something I'm doing for myself. Five years ago, I was on 5 different inhalers and steroids (inhaled, orally and IM) and still wheezing. My pulmonologist was taking about surgery on my lungs. That was my big wake up call. I made a lot of change and King Tiger Tae Kwon Do has helped me keep my promises to myself. No turning back...that path leads to no place good. Keep the faith folks...good night

The PMAA class was good yesterday. I'm just trying to learn my basic stick forms. The rotunda and that advanced stuff is beyond me right now. I love how working with the sticks makes you stay in the moment. If you just pause and think, "hey, think I got this," then you miss a beat and mess up. Loved working with the knife. Disarming and taking them down is my favorite part. Wanted run, planned to run yesterday, but the cold wet air was not great for my lungs. The puppy and I walk/ran today. Breaking in my new shoes. They feel different. they have changed my stride, for the better, I hope. Walked more than I ran because Nala kept wanting to sniff things and we kept seeing neighbors and other dogs Nala wanted to greet. I might have to leave Nala home next time. I thought running would be...

Such an excellent day! Had a break at work mid day and took advantage of open mat. There was a returning black belt (forgot his name) and we reviewed all the color belt poomsaes and solid color self defenses. It was a good review in the dojang without an audience. I'm still getting adjusted to the space (especially when we are facing different ways during the poomsaes).  Bought a new pair of sneakers. Although it seems old fashioned to call them sneakers these days. The technology that goes into running shoes is no joke. My old shoes have practically fallen apart (the soles have worn down to the secondary color). They were about five years old, well past their prime. Plus after being properly fitted, they were probably all wrong for me. These new shoes feel great. They have some cushion and may help my knees and back.  Class was awesome,...

Getting back in the groove for the new year. I've been spoiled by our small Tuesday/Thursday morning adult class. I realize that I get performance anxiety in the big black belt class. I get really frustrated when I fumble through poomsaes and self defenses that I know I know. I practice them alone at home and I feel good about them and I know them. Put me in a class with a lot of people and I get flustered. Not only that, the frustration shows on my face. This does not happen to me in any other area of life. I guess I've been doing everything else for many years. As adults we are rarely asked to learn new physical skills or a new language or memorize body techniques. Children do it all the time and they take it in stride. But when is the last time most adults have done...

Nala, my puppy any I ran a mile yesterday before walking. It felt good. It was such good practice on mental focus. It was good for puppy because she hates being cooped up because of the rain. The mean little internal voice kept saying, "You can't do this. Stop now, you're breathing too hard. Oh no, you are getting a cramp....."  Once I learned to ignore that foolishness, the run was not bad. Most importantly, I felt good afterward. Puppy and my shoes were muddy after the walk. Puppy hated the bath. Boot camp was fun. I'll be sore tomorrow, but at least I'll be able to stand in church. Although I hate it when Sally showed up, I'll thank her when I'm 70 and I'm able to stand up on my own power.  Mama visited Friday and we went to see Kinky Boots. She left this morning before Boot Camp....

Had to lighten up on some requirements for the past 2 days. My knees were aching.....not injured, but they certainly registered a complaint.  I think it is the kicks and Red belt self defense # 2.  Also, work has been busy. It's the end of the year rush since folks have met their deductibles. I have eye strain from so much computer charting. Regardless, I am grateful. December 2013, I was in tears because of another delay in opening the office. I was convinced that my dream would not come true. Now at the beginning of 2016, my office schedule is full and I'm whining about being busy.  I need to note the lesson: When experiencing despair, remember the possibility of joy. When experiencing joy, remember the possibility of despair.

Wow, I really noticed how dirty my floors are when doing push ups. I guess between the rain, the cat and the dog, my floors get pretty dirty. I've never gotten this up close and personal with my floor. If this rain keeps up, I'll have to run in the house. That always freaks out the pets. Just doing what I got to do to make my requirements

Eventful day. Visited a friend of here in Charlotte. During the visit, were heard yelling across the street at a neighbor's home. At first, we thought someone was sick and we went outside to offer assistance. But it became obvious that it was an emotional argument and likely an episode of domestic altercation. Inside, we called the police and prayed while we waited. From the screaming, I was terrified that someone would be killed before the police arrived. The firetruck and the ambulance arrived before 4 police cars. They were in the house for a while before bringing out a woman in severe pain with a suspected broken femur. The police said the story was that she fell. How a young woman falls hard enough to break her femur is beyond me. I was sick, nauseous, and tearful on the drive back home. Someone could have very easily been killed in...

Woo Hoo, finally able to post! That quote is an inspiration for me as a beginner. I'm so excited for Master Evins and his team for the new Dojang. I know first hand how hard and frustrating it is getting a space ready for business. Two steps forward and one step back. No requirements tonight, baking for Christmas. I've learned the hard way, I can't multitask and bake....wait, do I smell smoke?? Gotta go! Merry Christmas, everyone ;-)

Hung out in Las Vegas with my parents and my aunt and uncle this weekend. Feeling very grateful that my parents are healthy and well and mobile at 70 and 72 years old. They loved the Cir du Solei show, O, at the Belagio. None of us gamble or drink, so much of the strip was an anathema to them. They went to the Grand Canyon while I took the red eye back to Charlotte. I'm still recuperating.    Did a lot of walking over the weekend, but no requirements. I'll get some essays done this weekend. I was looking forward to class this weekend, but got the email about no class this weekend. Guess it will be a good weekend to get more requirements done. Gotta get back into my shallow groove.

Really bummed. Tried on three pairs of my "Fall" work slacks before I found a pair that fit. One pair would not even close at the waist. How can I feel so healthy and do so many kicks, sit ups and push ups and not fit into my clothes? I'm getting bulkier. I'll never be skinny, but I would like to fit in my nice pants. Just bummed. Enough whining for today. It's been a good week with the cooler temperatures. The classes have gone well. A lot of running around over the next week. 

It' been a good day. Learned a lot in both the black belt class and the PMA class. People are so nice to me and willing to teach. Some times I feel like I'm bumbling along. Got in some requirements today. The change in the weather helps so much. It sucks to have a hot flash and get sweaty before I even get started with class. Got my flu shot today. I'm determined not to get sick. Last year it took me 3 months to get over the flu. I don't have time to be sick

Fall temperatures, finally! Love the cooler temperatures and decreased humidity. I went to the Festival of India yesterday. Great food, wonderful performances and art. It was a beautiful day for a outside festival. Got some requirements done tonight. Decided to be silent for a day for my empathy training. I can't do any of it during a work day or a day when I'm doing work at home on the computer. So after great thought, I plan to do it on a Sunday when I go to church. This should be very interesting.

Despite feeling sore all over, I went to Black Belt class and Sparring class. Learned a lot. I like working with the staff. New forms to learn (was not quite aware of them). Feeling behind, but liked the fast pace of black belt class. We have such a good community of people at our school. Everyone is so encouraging and everyone looks out after everyone else. Being the slow one in the class, I really benefit from everyone being willing to teach. I was able to get the oil changed in my car at AAA while I was in class (which was awesome because I do not have time to do it next week). Master Knight is so sweet. He saw someone driving my car and was concerned that it was being stolen. I appreciate him watching out for me. I've had 2 cars stolen from me in the past and it...

Feel like I've spent all week getting over the Labor Day weekend. Just one long weekend and I've gotten out of step. The days are getting shorter and it seems like a struggle to get everything done each day. Amazed that I average about 3 miles of walking with work alone. After work, I did my 3.5 mile greenway walk with Nala, my dog. I was so sore. Every step hurt my hips, back and thighs.  I thought the hard part would be the 105 miles walk/run, but these sit ups and push ups  kick every morning. Despite my plans to build up my numbers each day, I can't get beyond 20 of each each day. And I still struggle to get those done.  I've got a long way to go. Just keep going, put one foot in front of the other.......

Long day. I started work at 6:30AM. On the elevator from the 5 th to the 3 rd floor, I got 10 kicks in. Lol! I had to stop when someone got on the elevator. I'm sure I could have gotten in the full set of 25 if no one got on. Office was crazy busy, which is a good thing from 7:30AM to 1 PM. Then a lunch meeting and afternoon volunteering at the free clinic (it's not actually free, but the name has stuck). Then home to cook and care for the Max and Nala. I went to my first black belt class tonight. And I must admit, I was beat before the class. That mean little voice that keeps telling me to quit was trying to get me not to go to class tonight "I'm too tired, it's raining, it's lightening, my back hurts, this dobok is too...

Relaxing Labor Day weekend. Dyed fabric and made some batiks with mixed results. Cleared my summer deck garden. Spent some quality I me with myself and my pets. For such a relaxing weekend, everything hurts today. Not sure why. Work was physical this AM, but I was achy before I got out of bed. Tomorrow is early and long day at work. Hopefully, I can work in some requirements. Reading the Art of War for my book requirement. Trying to get back in the groove.

I hope the "slow and steady wins the race" strategy works for me. It is obvious that my body won't tolerate doing all the physical requirements in 10 weeks.  I'm trying to pace myself through this audit cycle. My goal is to do as much as I can without injury or exacerbating my asthma.  Free mat class was good today even though I was by myself. I really focused on kicks and poomsaes. I've taken magnesium and coconut water. Hopefully no leg cramps tonight. I don't ever want to go through that again.

Yesterday was productive. I was the only one at the midday adult class (and I was late because of work), so it was free mat class. I was able to get some requirements done (poomsaes, kicks, some self defense, sit ups, push ups). It was a productive little hour. It felt good to keep my commitments. But last night, just as I was going to sleep, I had the worse leg cramp of my life. Actually, this was the first real leg cramps I have ever had. I felt faint and nauseous with the pain. I broke out in a sweat. Then I panicked because I was on call. There was no way I could even get down stairs, or drive with such cramps. I hobbled to the bathroom for some Tylenol and the pain finally eased off after 20 minutes. I knew exactly which muscles were cramping, my adductors from...

Went to see Motown the Musical with my mom's church group. It was awesome! Berry Gordy may be my hero. He helped put the 60's to music despite all the opposition, and personal, private hardships. And the music was excellent. Inspiring to see someone follow their dreams despite all those who say it is impossible.  It was also good seeing my parents and their friends laughing and having a good time. I could imagine them as teenagers dancing to the Motown groove Did some requirements on Sunday and this morning. Freaking out a bit as it really hit home what is necessary every day to fulfill the 10 week requirements. I was getting really anxious, then I realized that if I do what I can this cycle, then I will not have to to the full number the next cycle. There is no need to panic. I just need to get...

Wishing everyone well tomorrow at the pre test! Remember," if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together" African Proverb

Just realized that I have a lot going on from now to the end of the year. Not just auditing this black belt cycle, but planning my parents' 50th anniversary, a monastery retreat , as well as the end of year bottleneck of office work. Trying not to get anticipatory anxiety. Good thing the future only comes one moment at a time. Our adult free mat class was productive today. Master Evins left us with a list of tasks. It helped my requirements quite a bit. I'll feel it tomorrow. We went through all the color belt poomsae twice. As work gets busier, my schedule will change.  I may not be able to make the class as often. I'll really miss my adult classmates. We work hard, sweat, and laugh together. I like how we make sure we all get it. We help and teach each other. I haven't had this...

Recently, I visited some friends in another state who have just obtained their first degree black belt. Seeking some guidance, I asked my friend how did she completed all the physical requirements. "What's that?" she asked. When I described our black belt cycle, she replied, "Oh, no we didn't have to do all that. Girl, we go to a McDojang!" I was so appalled that I was speechless (and I am rarely speechless) . I had assumed that all martial arts black belt programs had some rigorous requirements. I'm even more proud of each of my belts and our King Tiger Program. I'm also very grateful to each of the Masters for keeping such high standards. No one could ever call our program a McDojang! Everything aches. What belt level does the pain stop?? My brain is a sieve. I learn one thing and something else slips out. I know I...

There is this voice in the back of my mind that says "You can't possibly do this at 49. You're too old, it's too hard, it hurts and you're much too busy". If there is anything I've learned, it's this: That voice is not me. That voice knows nothing, That voice wants to keep my life small and safe. This is the same voice that said I could not possibly go to medical school, I could not possibly be an Ob/Gyn, I could not possibly open my own practice. This voice is the enemy. It has been with me throughout my life. I've learned not to believe it. So when it says, "You can't do that" I laugh and say, "Watch me!"   3.45 miles