Candidate Journals

As I recover from Instructor's camp, I am having the hardest time on earth thinking straight, especially when I am tired.  The simplist things are not connecting.  It is called the CFS fog.  the fog is light from time to time, but when I am tired it feels like I am in a permanent "Duh!" moment.  I have a lot of big things going on this week and I literally can not wrap my head around them.  I need one more week and the tiredness and the fog should be gone.

I am feeling a little better today.  I got through my classes and some requirements. My muscles get so fatigued so easily, its a huge same.  The simplist things make my legs worn out.  I want my old body back.  LOL

I am still sore and tired from Master Cann's class.  I am continuing to rest and recover.

From 7am with Kyra's test to past 4pm with Master Cann's seminar I was on the move.  Master Cann's Seminar  was a 4 hour sparring class work out.  I am very tired.  And very sore.  I hope I didn't over do it.  Time will tell.

Things in my life are looking a tiny bit better.  And my body is relieved to feel some of the stress being removed.  I am hardly out of the woods, but I finally in over 2 weeks feel like I am on the upswing on how my body feels.  But after tomorrow's seminar I might take all that back :) . I am also happy that my sticks coordination is improving.  Doing PMAA class is harder for me that calculus.  Wierd.

I feel a little better today.  I got some things done.

Tomorrow is the day.  Let's see if I can push them to the limit.  Praying for it.

I have been running all day.  Speech Therapy, pediatrician, taekwondo, choir.  I am exhausted.  Tomorrow I have to go to the Ear, Nose and throat. I think my son is losing his hearing in at least one ear.  I am so so worried.  I hope to be back in full steam by Wednesday.

A Stomach Virus is running through the house.  Kyra and Kai are hit.  I am still fighting through personal issues that are affecting me physically.  I'm so tired, the Lord is my strength.

One day at a time.  The stress of some personal things in my life is causing an autoimmune flair up and I am in some pain.  But I am trying to push through.

I have done PMAA class twice this week.  I feel so uncoordinated.  I am tired.  I hope to do a lot of catching up on Friday and Sunday.  We will see how it goes.

I have been down for a week.  I have lost somevital time.  I will see if I can get back on pace tomorrow.

  It's 7am on Monday morning, and I think I am going to end up writing my most heartfelt journals because I am sitting here trying not to cry. I wish it was one of my 9 essays, but it doesn't fit a topic. :-) I know I have told a few, and I know a few more have heard, but I know twice as many don't know about the medical condition I am dealing with. Most days I don't want people to know, but some days I am so so embarrassed with all I can do, I want to tell so that people don't think I extremely lazy. I am telling now because IF I make it through this cycle it is a huge part of my journey. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. At medical condition where the biggest symptoms are I am permanently physically tired. 24/7. On a scale...

Today is Sunday.  Church.  It took everything out of me to go to church.  The kids allowed me a 20 min nap.  Yeah me.  I got up and drove through the neighborhood while the girls went door to door to sell girlscout cookies and the twins put flyers in the mailboxes.  Kyra got in her miles.  I am taking perscription strength naproxen.  I am still down.  Hurting more.  Anyone want any girlscout cookies?

I passed my pre-test, but....yes I am unhappy with my performance.  People may think I am hard on myself.  But I don't like making careless mistakes.  I made too many today.  That means I did less than my best for me.  So in my eyes, I failed the test.  A pass for me is my best, no matter the score. I am going to do it over and see how it goes.  First I have to recover from today.  I can't move.

I have been battling some health issues for about 16 months now.  They are the reason I have delayed doing the cycle this past fall, but I am honestly worried.  Will I be able to keep up?  I say this because I am down again today.  I am not sure if it because I have been overdoing it this week, trying to "get right in" the cycle.  Or if it is that combined that I may still be recovering from the flu (that sent one of the kids to the hospital).  Either way, I am worried.  Right now I am trying to see if I can find some to save for the pre-test and class tomorrow. So today I rest, I'd rather not, but if I don't I'll pay tomorrow.